You know the story by now: Your girlfriend or wife just happens to be cleaning your den or one of your private rooms--or man cave, if you will--and she “accidentally” finds your hidden stash of X-rated movies. Of course, she gets all pissed off and belligerent and tells you to get rid of all your beloved porno videos. Sometimes she even gives you an ultimatum: “Either the videos go or I go!” And guess what usually goes (hint: it’s not your woman!)? But sometimes, with a little coaxing—and a lot of luck!—you may be able to talk her into watching at least one blue movie with you to see whether or not you can get her into watching—and even liking—porn movies hopefully as much as you’re into watching—and liking—them. That way not only can you keep from having to throw them out but maybe even from time to time enjoy watching one with your wife or girlfriend. However, before you pop that video into the DVD player (or, for those who are old school, the VCR!), there are some things that you should take into consideration. I mean, you can’t just have her watch any old porn movie, especially if the woman in your life has been raised to believe that all pornography is “degrading towards women” and/or she only has sex with you “whenever she feels like it”—i.e. when she doesn’t have one of her damned headaches!—with all the lights in the bedroom turned off and she only lets you do it in the missionary position. If this is the case, then a video like The Girls of Splash Mountain: California Cocksuckers 3 is usually not a good choice for a woman’s first X-rated viewing experience. You need to be a bit more selective in choosing a video for her to watch with you since, after all, the video that you choose for her to watch may very well be the deciding factor as to whether or not she stays with your perverted ass (if you don’t do her bidding and throw out your video collection, that is!)! First of all, there are some porn actors and even a few porn actresses you might want to avoid. In the actor category, two actors you should avoid like the plague are Max :”Hardcore” Steiner and Ron “Hedgehog” Jeremy. Max Steiner--who was sentenced to a couple of years in federal prison in (where else!) Texas after being convicted on “obscenity” charges--first appeared in more “mainstream” porno fare before releasing his own videos through his company Filmwest Productions under the moniker Max Hardcore. Mad Max is often so rough with the actresses he has sex with on-camera that many porn actresses refuse to work with him. He literally stretches pussies and assholes to their limit before he pounds the women’s asses with his cock as hard as he can and then comes loads on their faces. Sometimes he even simulates rape scenes in his videos. They’re not real rape scenes, of course, but they’re “realistic” enough to not only scare your woman off but make her file a restraining order on you! As for Ron Jeremy, well, they don’t call him “Hedgehog” for nothing (no offense, Hedgehog!)!
Other porn actors you might want to avoid are Italian porn stud Rocco Siffredi and the late John “14-inch” Holmes. The reason why is because these two men are—or, in Holmes’ case, were—much more, shall we say, blessed than the average male. (And do I have to say anything about the African-American porn actors?) Remember, the goal here is to get your lover turned on but not make yourself look inadequate to her in the process (or as less inadequate as possible given the fact that porn actors can last a bit longer than your average male, which, of course, could most likely explain why you generally see the same ten guys in practically every porno flick!).
There are also certain porno actresses you should also try to avoid. A prime example of this would be Sasha Grey, who’s arguably one of the most if not the most popular porno actress nowadays in spite of the fact that she’s currently “retired” from the so-called jizz bizz and has since done more “mainstream“ acting work (like, for instance, she had a starring role in the film The Girlfriend Experience and had a recurring role in the TV show Entourage as--who else!--herself). In spite of her girl-next-door type looks (albeit a more sexier version thereof!), Sasha has done probably just about every nasty, filthy, perverted, and downright demented sex act imaginable on-camera (which is, of course, why we guys love her so much!). For instance, in one film I, uh-hum, watched of hers, she was gang-banging about a dozen guys where, among many other things, she sticks a guy’s foot up her hoo-hah and . . . well, I don’t need to go into anymore detail, do I? In another fuck flick of hers, a guy was doing her doggie-style while he was stepping on the side of her face (for the record, I’m not into the whole stepping-on-a-gal’s-face thing, but then, that’s just me!). In yet another flick of hers I, uh-hum, watched, in a porno appropriately-titled Squirt Gangbang, Sasha has about a half-dozen of her fellow porno actresses “squirt” all over her (again, I don’t need to go any detail, do I?).
As for other videos to avoid, be wary of any video put out by any company called Angel, e.g. Erotic Angel, Elegant Angel and Evil Angel. Though they may have the word “angel” in their company titles, the videos they release are anything but angelic! Another type of video to avoid is the so-called gonzo video. These videos feature little plot and a whole lot of sex, usually of the depraved and/or kinky variety. Yet another type of video to avoid is the “all-girl” or “girl/girl” video. It’s all right if there’s a girl/girl scene in the video you select for your lady to watch since, of course, about 99.9 ½ % of all porn movies feature at least one lesbian scene and can also appeal to her “bi-curious” side. But, if you make her watch one of these videos, she might just make you watch a gay male porn video out of sheer spite. So, unless you’re a little bi-curious yourself, I don’t think this is a chance you’d want to take, do you? Of course, if you want to truly know how to please a woman in bed, “girl/girl” videos are a good way to find out. And—of course!—I don’t mean watch just any old lesbian video as there are a number of “all-girl” videos released by lesbian-themed companies that feature (usually) “real” lesbians having “real” lesbian sex, e.g. The L Factor, Sweetheart Video and the—and, no, I’m not making this up!—award-winning Australian X-rated lesbian company Abby Winters are a good source of girl-on-girl viewing if you truly want to know what gets a woman off. I mean, let’s face facts, guys, it usually takes more—sometimes a hell of a lot more!—to satisfy a woman during lovemaking than just giving her the old heave-ho, you know what I mean?
Still yet another type of video to a void is any video that has a young-looking girl on the box cover. And by young-looking I mean girls who look like they’ve just graduated from high school (or maybe even still in high school!). Think Hustler’s Barely Legal series and you’ll get the idea I’m driving at. Guys, don’t let those innocent smiles on those covers fool you. These young ladies—and, again, I use the term “ladies” loosely!—do things in these movies that you only dreamt about in high school (and a few things you didn’t!)! As for any specific young-looking porn stars you should avoid, there’s Kitty and Amai Liu. Kitty, who sometimes goes by the moniker Little Kitty or Lil‘ Miss Kitty, is an Asian porn star who looks—and even sounds—like she’s barely 11 or 12 years old if even that old (and anyone who’s ever seen her movies definitely knows what I’m talking about!). Amai Liu, who sometimes goes by the moniker Tiny Tabby, is an Hawaiian porn starlet who also looks—and sounds—about as “young” as Kitty. So avoid any movies starring Kitty a.k.a. Little Kitty a.k.a Lil’ Miss Kitty and Amai Liu a.k.a. Tiny Tabby even though they’re both definitely legal (Kitty even has a pierced punani), or your significant other might just think you’d be a good candidate for To Catch a Predator, if you know what I mean (and I’m, course, quite sure that you do!)! Still yet other sex vids you might wish to avoid are any vids with the words “gang” or “bang” anywhere in the title along with clowns, midgets, bukkake, freaks, creampies (and by “creampies“ I‘m definitely not talking about the kind that Grandma used to make!), you get the idea. Not exactly what you’d call good date movies, if you know what I mean!
And, lastly, the final type of video to avoid in choosing one for your sweetie to watch is what I call the “big boob” videos. Here are some examples of big boob videos (actual titles of actual videos): Booby Prize, Mammary Lane, Gazongo, Bodacious Ta-Tas, you get the picture. Also avoid big boobed porn actresses with names like Christy Canyon, Whitney Wonders, Wendy Whoppers, Letha Weapons, and former California governor hopeful Mary Carey (also of Dr. Drew fame!). As you might’ve guessed, those aren’t their Christian names! Just like you don’t want to look inadequate to her, she definitely doesn’t want to look inadequate to you. A good rule-of-thumb is if the actress on the cover has noticeably bigger juggs than your sweetie, then don’t make her watch it, all right, guys? Another good rule-of-thumb is to fast-forward through all those phone-sex ads at the beginning of every video before letting your woman see them since they a lot of times show stuff that’s a lot kinkier than the content of the actual video! And, whatever you do (and I can’t stress this enough!), don’t--I repeat!--DON’T just simply download one of those “free” porno scenes from one of those “free” porno sites for her to watch!
Now that I’ve told you what kinds of videos to steer clear of, here is a list of videos that are what I call “female friendly“. There’s a growing niche market of “high-end” or “romance-oriented” adult fare--also known as “vanilla porn”--targeted at couples that focuses as much on plot as it does on sex (and, no, you won’t see a guy’s foot shoved up a woman’s hoo-hah!). Mainstream companies--well, “mainstream” for porno companies!--like Vivid and Wicked put out a number of these titles, but, of course, they also release a number of the other type of the more hardcore titles. A good rule-of-thumb would be if the couple on the DVD cover resembles the covers on, say, Harlequin Blaze novels, then you’re probably safe. (Of course, another good rule-of-thumb is to view the flick before you let your significant other view it.)
Well, there you have it, my suggestions for what movies to see—and which ones to avoid—if you want to get your significant other interested in porn. Of course, there are lots of women out there who openly admit to getting off on porn, including the raunchy stuff. In fact, a number of statistics and polls have shown that nearly 50% of all people who rent and/or buy porno videos and/or surf the Web for porn are in fact women. However, as there are women who actually like pornography, there are still a good number of women nowadays who wouldn’t admit to liking porn no matter what. But, guys, don’t despair; if your current girlfriend insists she hates porn and leaves you because you won’t stop looking at it and getting off on it, you could very well find a woman who’ll like porn even as much as you do, perhaps even more so! And if, in fact, you do find such a woman (since, like I said, a good number of women seemingly do get off watching porn!), consider yourself blessed.
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